no me quiero ir.
Okay, okay. I don't want this to be the first of a four, five, six month string of blogs talking about fearing transition and dangling roots and that whole story. (I'm sure there'll be an explanation of that sometime later.) But, I need to get this out. And since I'm alone right now and therefore cannot talk anyone's ear off, I'll resort to this. Blogging. It's a bit embarrassing to admit, but typing words into cyberspace somehow makes things just a little bit clearer.So tonight I was talking with a friend about heading back to Argentina after my short and unintentional hiatus here in the States. And she asked about my plans for my "short time" left in Argentina. Pardon? Come again? SHORT TIME?!?! I think not!
And then I think again. We're now talking (I can hardly type this) t..h...ree (that hurt) or four months until my re-location from my dear Argentina to Carolina del norte. Which, up until this point, has been an exciting prospect. But tonight, when I heard those two fateful words... short time... I literally thought I might vomit. Now my Mom raised me well, and I know that I'm certainly not supposed to talk about bodily functions like this in public. But it's God's honest truth. Suddenly my stomach took a turn, and I don't think it was a right one.
And now I wonder, why did this move seem like such a good idea six months ago? I don't want to doubt God's direction, but I think I'm doubting God's direction. Maybe this is all just an overreaction. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and be totally reassured and maybe some of that magical fairy dust will fall upon me and everything will be alright. Maybe. Or maybe I'll discover that I'm making the wrong decision and should reconsider my current life's plan. Or maybe I'll just spend these next few months crying and mourning that this unbelievable stint in Argentina is coming to a close.
Here's to hoping I wake up covered in glitter.
posted by Courtney @ 3:11 AM
1 Comments:
Hey Courtney! I don't know when you typed this entry, in fact, I read it after reading your newsletter saying you're leaving. Gosh! Has it been seven years already? I still remember the very first time I saw you, when you said HELLO I thought you were an Argentine. Anyway, this certainly is a major breakthrough in your life. And reading your most inner thoughts and doubts and fears made me feel a bit accompanied in mine. Not that I'm in full-time ministry, you know that. I'm not even in a turning point in my life, I'm rather building up my life, but I am wondering whether what I'm doing is God-directed. This among some other not-so-Godly stuff. Anyway, just wanted to drop a line thanking for your words. I still feel close to you and remember when Miranda and you walked me to the car when I was leaving to Comodoro. I miss your company. I wish you all the best, from the bottom of my heart. And I want you to know that to me you'll always be a compatriota. God Bless!!! Silvina Farrace =)
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